It’s Valentine’s day and so, for whatever tentative reason, love is strongly tipped to be in the air. Alas, video gaming is one area where love struggles to find its place. Arguably that’s a good thing as singletons across the globe can at least find some respite in video games from the day’s barrage of cards, roses, bears, hearts, bears holding hearts, cards of bears holding hearts, bears holding cards... you get the idea.

But there are a few games that have a decent stab at some romantic interest – it varies from implicit sexual tension boiling in the subtext to full blown inter-character hanky-panky. So, we’ve compiled a list of the most heart-warming, bizarre, kinky, tragic and enthralling lovers in gaming. Bear in mind that there are some spoilers ahead.

10. Carl Johnson & Catalina (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas) – The love between a man and woman can be a beautiful thing, to be nurtured like a tender flower. But not for CJ and Catalina. She’s a badly messed up puppy with highly psychotic inclinations, persistent feelings of abandonment and persecution, and a penchant for S&M. Mind you, by the time you meet her, you’ve guided C.J. through no small amount of cop-killing, gang-banging and hit-and-run antics so I’m sure that his own mental state is highly questionable too. The part that amuses me the most is that the game never even explicitly mentions why C.J. and Catalina hook up – he is only looking to score some quick cash and finds her understandably annoying.

9. Sonic the Hedgehog & Amy Rose (first appeared in Sonic CD) – In classic tales of passion it’s the men that do the chasing. However, Amy Rose’s effort to woo her lover has a kind of tragic, feminist slant. She loves him, she pursues him relentlessly, and she wants him to settle down. Too bad for her that although he calls her his girlfriend, he'd rather be off having manly adventures with his "twink" Tails. It’s heart-breaking really. The girl would do well to move on, but then it can’t be easy to find a partner when you’re pink anthropomorphic hedgehog.

8. You & Bertram (The Temple of Elemental Evil) – Romantic subplots are in no short supply in Temple of Elemental Evil, but one did manage to cause a bit of a stir when the game first came out. It was a same sex marriage that caused the ruckus; mind you that’s hardly surprising as any brief foray into Xbox Live will leave you with no doubt as to how the less mature elements of the gaming community feel about homosexuality. Betram is a pirate who dresses in a nice, camp purple. He wants to be freed from an abusive relationship with tavern-brawler Tolub. If you do rescue him, you get to settle down and live happily ever after with him at the end of the game. Awww.

7. Gordon Freeman & Alyx Vance (Half-Life 2) – Definitely the most subtle romance in this list. Gordon, being the strong and incredibly silent type, doesn’t add a lot of fuel to the fires of their passion. However, Alyx is certainly eager to drop a few flirty comments into conversation as soon as the waves of attacking Combine ease up, including the classic “Oh he’s always up for it”. Saucy minx.

Furthermore, by the end of Episode 2, even Eli Vance, Alyx’s father, is in on the act; the sly old dog starts calling you son and making highly unsubtle references to the fact that the Suppression Field (which prevents conception in humans) is now out of action. Time for the two of them to stop being coy and get busy. The human race is at stake.

6. Guybrush Threepwood & Elaine Marley (first appeared in The Secret of Monkey Island) – Guybrush and Elaine maintain a tumultuous relationship throughout the four parts of the Monkey Island series. For the most part, Guybrush’s hapless antics seem to infuriate Elaine, who is always more focussed on the complexities of governing a pirate-ridden Caribbean archipelago. Making things all the more interesting is would be rival suitor LeChuck, who also happens to be an evil undead pirate. Although the games tend to set the stage for Guybrush’s heroic rescue of his lover and bride, he just tends to end up screwing up her plans.

5. Mario & Princess Peach (first appeared in Super Mario Bros.) – He’s a dedicated man Mario. He’s not married, and there must be other chicks out there, but time after time after time, he wastes his valuable effort rescuing the pathetic girl from the clutches of serial kidnapper and general tyrant, Bowser.

In fact so much of his resources are spent dedicated to the very task of painstakingly rescuing her, that he is seldom able to find five minutes to actually, y'know, be a plumber. Does rescuing the princess, who by virtue of her royal line must surely have a few quid tucked away, lead to riches? No it does not. Is this frigid cow even willing to enter a serious relationship? At best Mario will be graced with a peck on the cheek. He should really try and get some closure.

4. Indiana Jones & Sophia Hapgood (Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis) – There’s nothing like a good bit of Nazi bashing to bring couples together. Sophia is described by Jones as “a spoiled rich kid” and having worked with Jones previously, gave up archaeology to become a psychic. When it turns out that Nazis are hunting for her too, Jones persuades her to come along in his quest for Atlantis. No matter which path you take through the game, the inept woman manages to get herself kidnapped somewhere and eventually trapped in a cage at the very heart of Atlantis. Given that she shows up in the subsequent Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine, we assume that you’re not supposed to deliberately let the bitch rot there. If you do decide to rescue her, you can sail off into the sunset on a stolen submarine with her. That’s romance, baby.

3. Shepherd & Liara T’Soni (Mass Effect) – Our second controversial entry, which Fox News once described as “offering full digital nudity” and “leaving nothing to the imagination”, got into hot water because of the two possible romantic subplots, both of which can lead to a bit of hot sweaty lovin’. The real reason for any objection to what amounted to a two second glimpse of a nude buttock, is probably that there was the chance of homosexuality. And it was lesbianism to boot. In fact it could even be hot ALIEN lesbianism. Oh yeah.

All in all, should you choose the alien sex route, it’s a pretty impersonal affair. The Asari race are able to procreate and conceive with just about any gender or species they like and the fact that she calls you ‘Commander’ throughout probably means you’re not really all that close. But what the hell – she’s got blue skin. And skin flaps instead of hair. Kudos.

***Seriously, if you didn’t heed my spoiler warning earlier, you should really pay attention to it now***

2. Wander & Mono (Shadow of the Colossus) – So far, so lovey-dovey. But a love story that truly tugs the heart strings should be one filled with nothing but torment and anguish. Like all the decent Shakespeare plays where everyone winds up dead. Shadow of the Colossus has all that in spades. The whole reason why the hero is sent to slay a set a bunch of giant monsters (even though they don’t actually appear to have done anything wrong) is because Wander thinks it will bring his dead love back to life. Later in the game, it becomes apparent that this same process will most certainly kill him.

Stiring acts of bravery and self sacrifice ensure that you’re well prepped for a good blub by the end. Sure enough Wander’s fate is sealed and he meets his end at the hands of Lord Emon. But his legacy survives in the form of his restored love, Mono, and an infant blessed with tiny horns. If you’re not welling up by then there’s actually something wrong with you.

1. Max Payne & Mona Sax (Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne) – Capping off the list comes arguably the most tragic tale of all. Max Payne, a cop left emotionally scarred by the murder of his wife and child, and further tortured by the vengeance-driven killing spree that took place in the first game. He discovers that Mona Sax has come back from the dead, reigniting those same painful memories. There begins an explosive, doomed relationship as Max’s confused emotional state prevents him from just handing her over to the feds. The fact that the player and Max are never entirely sure of what they are both really working towards cleverly fuels the whirlwind of emotion present throughout the game. And each time you seem to be close to a resolution, circumstances force the pair apart again.

Two further tragedies befall the unfortunate couple – Max is forced to shoot his seemingly squeaky clean co-worker and winds up getting shot twice himself, almost costing him his life and most certainly giving him a fresh reason for guilt and self loathing. Mona, meanwhile, reveals that she has actually been sent to kill Max and finds she can’t due to her feelings for him. But having apparently survived a headshot in the first game, she takes another shot to the head from the game’s arch villain and (unless you play on hard) dies in Max’s arms.

Also, much respect to NintendoGal who beat me to the punch with their Top 14 Video Game Couples (and ruined my original headline), but which conveniently doesn't overlap my list at all.

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